Sidewalk Chalk Propaganda

The sidewalk chalk propaganda
warned me to beware of fading music
"music" which I interpreted back then
to be the voice of my spirit
my imagination
my creativity
my innate sense of rebellion.
So I kept it guarded,
no entirely sure who or what
might be coming to silence it.
All the "truths" I discovered
in those two years
seemed to awaken me
to urge me to be a person
I had always just imagined . . .
she seemed infallible
she seemed to be the most
magical version of myself
I wasn't sure I was up to the task
of finding a way to let that voice
resonate through me
and manifest itself into
a fully functioning "Patricia"
Patty was always more familiar
more comfortable
Patty walked down the street with me
paying no attention
to the world around her . . .
humming songs in her head
. . . the soundtrack to a dreamy existence
"Patricia" . . . a seemingly more
unattainable friend . . .
was scary, like my big sister
and revolutionary, like my
reluctantly feminist Mom.
She had long thick flowing hair
she wore a pinstriped suit . . .
and fairly uncomfortable expensive shoes.
The sidewalk chalk propaganda
didnt tell me how to reconcile
"Patty" with "Patricia"
And all the "truths" I learned
in my 2 years at a fancy beach front university
never showed me how
to resolve the theoretical to the actual
. . . even after a 20 page, long winded feminist theory
about that exact issue.
The little things never occur to a dreamer . . .
dinner cooking, can't ditch work,
can't stay up til 3 in the morning writing poetry
can't let the soundtrack playing in your head
. . . drown out the sound of the world.
I spent my first 3 years on my own
complaining about grad school
. . . hating the law
. . . crying way too much
. . . fighting with my boyfriend
. . . refusing to wash a dish of any sort
. . . judgmentally dismissing the advise
of the two strongest women I know
and afraid
that what I had always been so careful to avoid
had conquered me nonetheless
the music in my head had abandoned me
. . . and I never even noticed it fading.